2008 Darwin awards .

Eighth  Place  
In  Detroit , a  41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car  keys  .

Seventh  Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his  daily run.

Sixth  Place
While  at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom!  When it  collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand, people on the beach used  their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It  took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth  Place  
Santiago  Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he  was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit  the floor.

Fourth  Place  
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who  said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and  pull the trigger.

Third  Place
After  stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The  shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the  counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up!  and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk  promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and  fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The  subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds  from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONOURABLE  MENTION
Paul  Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so  they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what  would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was  closed.

RUNNER  UP  
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them  said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the  middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men  trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the  midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee  rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that  a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's  leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before  the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously  survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby  fishermen. Bingham's foot was never  located.

AND  THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper  Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated  elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs  and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got  relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give  the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast  unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked  Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the  elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems  to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit  happens'




IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE  FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL